A Fast and Furious lesson

Some people might consider it thick of me to write about a movie I recently saw and compare it to my own life, but if you know me at all, I live for a good story with a good message. You also know that I can't pass up a good story with a good message that involves fast cars.

Hubby and I went to see Furious 7 today on the IMAX. I can't remember the last time we've been to see a movie on that screen, and I had been looking forward to our date all week - partly because of what we were planning and partly because we got to go - by ourselves.

I went with the knowledge that it was going to be sad. I was fully prepared with my stacks of Kleenex to cry my eyes out, as even my tough eighth grade boys told me this week, "The end was sad, Miss." What I wasn't prepared for, however, was the solid message that I brought away from it. From the beginning to the end.

At the onset of the movie, we watch Brian struggle with dropping off their adorable little guy at school. Mia, his wife, confides in her brother Dom that she is worried Brian "misses the bullets", as he was once an FBI agent, and has participated in action packed schemes with Dom time after time after time. Misses the bullets. The action. The job that he once did. But he has a family of his own now, and Dom's response was so simple. He's like a bell that just keeps ringing - movie after movie after movie. Family.  Family is what is important. Family.

I cried several times throughout the movie - as Mia told Brian to be safe and to come home.  As Dom told him to be safe.  As Brian told Mia on the phone that if she didn't hear from him in twenty-four hours that she should move on.  No, then I bawled - assuming they would kill him off in the movie.

But at the end - (this is a spoiler, so if you don't want to know, stop reading now) - after the entire fiasco was over, they all watched Brian and Mia play in the water on the beach with their son. Dom breaks proscenium with his audience slightly and becomes Vin Diesel and yet still Dom.  He talks about how nothing matters more than family. About how they will always be brothers no matter what.  About how bullets and action mean nothing. Family and love are what is important. And we get the feeling that if we had been part of Vin Diesel's family - he would have driven a muscle car out of an airplane at 10,000 feet for us too. Every one of us.

I equate this to my transition right now. I'm struggling with fear. Mainly fear of the unknown because I've always been a planner and a person to make the safe decisions. Although Brian moves from a risky life into a safe life - it was out of his comfort zone. He and I are somewhat parallel in that respect - him moving from action and bullets into a low-key life (haha!) of raising a family and me moving from financial safety of a full-time job into one where I'm juggling my children and a part-time job and hoping to make ends meet. But we both have one thing in common. We are making changes because we now (God, it's taken me THIS long to realize this?!?!) realize that before anything - our family comes first.

I'm actually embarrassed to say that there were times in my life where I put my job before my family. I loved my job as a teacher, and I loved some of my children like I loved my own children. But those days have stopped, and, it's painful to say it, but I refuse to ever. Ever. Put my job before my family. Again.

I guess I can say I am thankful that I have come to this revelation while my children can still benefit from me making this realization. I also hope that I can make up for lost time and provide my children with what they need from here on out.

And although I cannot thank Dominic Torreto for helping me realize this, I can thank him for reminding me that what I am about to do is the right thing to do.  Mainly I have to keep telling myself this because I get lost in the worry and anxiety that I'm not going to be able to provide, financially, what I have promised I can provide while providing an education to my children full of curiosity and rigorous learning. I left the theater tonight not only telling myself I cannot wait this long to see a movie on the IMAX again, but also reminding myself that what Dominic says is the truth.  I can feel my energy shifting into a different mindset, and I love who I am becoming.

I won't miss the bullets. I won't miss the action. I won't miss the feeling of contribution, and I certainly won't miss the institution. And I also won't, in ten years, say that I missed out on some of the best years of the lives of my two children.